a year of stops and starts
on injury and slowing down
Pride comes before a fall. A proverb I live in fear of.
A fear that’s ingrained in the very nature of being working class. Stay in your lane, don’t go above your station. Otherwise something bad might happen; something will happen to make you look foolish.
It manifested itself in the smallest of ways this year: pull-ups. But they were a metaphor for something much bigger.
After celebrating what I considered the “huge win” of returning to doing three strict pull-ups, precisely a month and a half later, I could do zero. I couldn’t push or pull anything without pain.
Pull-ups were out. Overhead presses out. Push-ups out. Burpees out. Bench presses out. The sanctuary that kept my freelancing life somewhat sane was in peril, begging the question: what happens when you need to take a rest from what you consider to be your rest?
It doesn’t go well. At least when you look for shortcuts rather than tackling the question head on.
Like fixing a frozen computer, my shortcut was to switch myself off and on again every few days, hoping I’d soon reboot and be back to my normal self. When that didn’t work, I sought the advice of experts who probably do offer great advice to well-balanced three-times a week fitness enthusiasts, but it was not suitable for an out-of-alignment five-times a week fitness enthusiast, like myself, who is prone to addictive and perfectionistic personality traits.
One physio told me to follow my judgment alongside their mobility plan. That’s when I learnt I had absolutely no judgment at all. I used holiday trips as a way to have a break and heal from injury, only to return straight back into the gym and quickly succumb to pain again. I’d rush back into movements I shouldn’t do, fearing I’d otherwise appear weak and start sliding down a slippery slope toward complete inactivity.
But only when I stopped fighting against my injury completely did it start to give way. I paid over the odds to outsource my judgment to a physio who told me when to stop, holding me to account each week. And by the final months of this year, I stopped grimacing with pain when I reached for the top shelf or rolled on to my shoulder in bed.
Coincidentally when my injury started to give way, so did freelancing. You might have noticed my newsletter has been unusually quiet the past two months and that’s why. It wasn’t that I had no freelancing work earlier in the year, but I reached a point where I didn’t feel it was stretching me or flexing my journalistic muscles as much as I would like.
Just as my pull-ups hit a bump in the road at the start of the year, so did my freelancing career. I took on two new clients, who thankfully paid me for my work, but it took up far too much time and energy with very little professional reward. I knew in my gut those clients weren’t the right fit from the beginning, but I didn’t want to turn my nose up at the opportunity. After all, diversification is everything.
I also knew in my gut I probably shouldn’t be swinging on that pull-up bars so much. It seems crazy to say no or to stop when have the capacity to do so, but sometimes not doing so can led to decisions that take you out the game completely.
That’s what happened in the late Spring and into the Summer. I wanted more commissions — chances to write about new subjects and themes — but I no longer had a schedule where I could manage the unpaid labour of pitching as well as doing work with existing clients and also having a “Brat”-esque Summer. Something had to give. I picked having the “Brat” summer, but then spent most of the time beating myself up about the consequences of that decision — less productivity — rather than its benefits, which was learning to slow down and build stronger relationships.
Just like with my injury, it was only when I stopped fighting against what I wanted and started to hold myself to account that my freelancing fortunes started to change this year. During Autumn, I spent time thinking about the type of work I wanted to do and the risks I might need to take to prise open those doors. I realized that while I might need to lower the intensity and risks within my fitness, I could use that new availability in my schedule to increase the risks and intensity within my freelancing work.
On paper, my year with injury has been unsuccessful. Fewer articles published, fewer PBs, and fewer big career wins. It’s a daunting prospect in my thirtieth year — a time when “everything should be falling to place.” But it’s also taught me the importance of slowing down to get back on track. I end the year with more diversification, more running PBs, and a better understanding of how to manage my time for friendships — something I painfully neglected in my 20s.
When something doesn’t feel right deep in your gut then it’s wise to slow down sooner. I spent almost a year fighting against injury and career moves that haven’t felt right — that have brought my stress, anxiety, and pain. I should have made an upfront investment in fixing those problems sooner, rather than later.
All this sounds rather measured in writing. I can assure you it wasn’t as measured in reality. And I am not sure it would have been so measured in writing if I hadn’t had a flurry of bylines toward the end of this year.
It also helped that I read a much more eloquent post last year from
who wrote about having frozen shoulder and a frozen year — not dissimilar to how my year has felt. I hope by writing this down, it might help another writer in the way Codrea-Rado’s piece helped me.Wishing you a Happy New Year!
— Kari
2024 in Review
Selection of bylines:
Games, Streams and Memes: It’s the End of an Era for Fans Who Powered Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour - Billboard
Corporate America's big beauty secret - Business Insider
UK Magazine The Fence Celebrates Fifth Anniversary, Seeks Investors for Further Growth - A Media Operator
LPGA Q-School vs Epson Tour: What’s The Difference? - Golf Monthly
UK Publisher Mill Media Grows & Profits Amid Shrinking Local News Market - A Media Operator
Experienced Fliers Are Suddenly Terrified on Planes - Thrillist
Unlimited PTO is a high-stakes gamble - Business Insider
The best of what I watched
Anything sporty on Netflix: Sprint, Quarterback, Simone Biles Rising, Starting 5
Wicked (This is a huge compliment to the film, I’ve been “holding space” for Wicked’s lyrics since 2014. )
The best of what I read
Despite being a voracious reader, I have never actively tracked the books I read — something I regret, the older I get. I've made a rough attempt to collate all the books I read over the course of 2024* and estimate it’s been around 25 books. These are my top picks:
Great Expectations by Charles Dickens
The Age Of Innocence by Edith Wharton
* It skews more into the classics as I had a goal to read them in 2024